Release your need for perfection
You’ll hear this said all the time, often delivered with a proud smile, ‘I’m a bit of a perfectionist.’
It’s said as if it’s a strength, a skill, that they have extremely high standards, or even hint that they care more than others.
I used to say it… and for a long time, I truly believed it to be a good thing.
It took me a very long time to learn that perfectionism isn’t a badge of honour at all, it was a weight I carried, and it got heavier with time.
What looks like having high standards from the outside often feels very different on the inside.
It feels like pressure
It feels like things are never done
It feels like replaying conversations, emails, decisions
It feels like wondering what you should have said or done differently
It feels like handing something in and not feeling relief, just doubt
I’m sure you can appreciate how exhausting it can be, and how much time it all takes.
It’s a long slow development
Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to become perfectionists; it often starts small and develops over time.
In childhood we learn that getting things right matters, and being praised for results feels good, and mistakes feel uncomfortable. Over time we adapt and become more careful, more considered, more driven.
The problem is that, for some people, somewhere along the way a healthy desire to do well tips into something else, fear…
Perfectionism isn’t usually just about high standards, it’s about fear - the fear of getting it wrong, of being judged, and of not being enough.
That’s why it hangs around, convincing you it’s helping, when it may be falsely protecting you from something you’d rather not face.
What it costs you
The tricky part is that perfectionism can look productive - you’re seen as the one who double checks everything, the one who stays late to get it just right, and you’re trusted to deliver high quality.
Surely, that’s a good thing?
On the surface, that all looks great, but if you look a bit closer you start to see the issues…
Perfectionism slows you down - you’re spending too long polishing things that were already good enough
It keeps you stuck - you delay starting because you don’t feel ready, or you get lost in planning instead of doing
It drains your energy - you’re holding yourself to standards you’d never expect from anyone else
It impacts other people - you probably struggle to delegate, or find yourself re-doing someone else’s work because it doesn’t match your version of right
In my guided workbook, Are you a Perfectionist? I call out a perfectionist’s particular challenge. They set unrealistic goals, which leads to only two possible outcomes:
They don’t achieve the goal and feel like they’ve failed
They do achieve the goal, but at a cost to their time, their health, or their relationships
That doesn’t sound like something to aspire to or wear as a badge of honour does it?
It’s just an illusion
(you know I can’t leave that there without a link…!)
What if I were to suggest that, in most cases, perfect doesn’t actually exist?
It feels real, because we conjure up a clear picture of it in our minds, but that picture is entirely personal.
Your version of perfect is shaped by your experiences, your expectations, and your environment - someone else may have a completely different version.
You can spend hours, days, weeks, working towards what you believe is the ideal outcome, only for someone else to come along and say they would have done it differently or it wasn’t what they expected at all.
This feels painful and personal, but it wasn’t because your work was no good, it was because their perception of perfect was different to yours.
When you understand this, you can see that striving for perfectionism is futile - you’re chasing a moving target.
Procrastination is the thief of time
If you’re a self proclaimed perfectionist, you may see yourself as driven, disciplined, and productive but, do you see yourself as a procrastinator?
Probably not, as you may think of procrastinators as being lazy, putting things off, saying they’ll do it later, scrolling when they need to be doing something etc.
However, perfectionists tend to fall in to these traps…
Delaying get started because you don’t feel ready
Over-planning because you want it to be right
Waiting for the perfect time, the perfect idea, the perfect conditions
This is self sabotage, delaying to avoid the risk of failure, then blaming lack of time when the result isn’t what you hoped for…
It sounds harsh, but it’s true. I can reflect on a number of projects in my corporate career that would have gone better had I just started sooner and tweaked along the way instead of get stuck in planning phase.
Good enough is a much smarter strategy
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards or suddenly not caring, it just means being more intentional about where you invest your time and energy.
Don’t be scared of good enough…
It’s not about doing things badly
It’s about doing things appropriately
It’s about recognising when something meets the brief
It’s having the discipline to know when to stop
I often talk about breaking goals into smaller, achievable chunks and recognising when each part is complete.
This is a really simple shift where, instead of one overwhelming unrealistic goal, you create smaller markers where you can easily see progress.
You give yourself more opportunities to finish things, not just start them, and you’re creating space to learn, tweak, and improve as you go.
This is really powerful as it’s where real growth happens - you’re doing, reflecting, and doing again.
Does it matter?
Another angle that may work for you is to stop asking ‘is this perfect’ to asking ‘does this matter?’
When you focus on meaning you start to look at how your work helps others and you can connect what you’re doing to your values, not just your output.
Consider, ‘how does my work or activities in my personal life help others?’
This question can help as you realise that, most of the time, the people you’re trying to help don’t need perfect, they need you to be clear, honest, and clear.
In summary…
You don’t need to overhaul your personality or suddenly become someone who doesn’t care.
As with most change that sticks, start small.
Notice where perfectionism shows up for you - is it in your work, your relationships, how you speak to yourself?
Get curious about the impact - is it on your time, your energy, your confidence, the people around you?
Once you’ve worked out what perfectionism looks like for you, and where it’s getting in the way, you can experiment
Try these, not all at once, try one and keep trying it until it starts to feel comfortable:
Set a time limit on a task and stop when the time is up
Send the email after two checks instead of five
Share the idea before you feel completely ready
Start the project with a simple high level plan
The goal is to loosen perfectionism’s grip, little by little.
A few final thoughts…
The next time you catch yourself saying proudly ‘I’m a bit of a perfectionist’ ask yourself, is that something you still want to be proud of or is it something you’re ready to release yourself from?
If you do nothing else, try this:
Pick one thing you’ve been overthinking
Give yourself twenty minutes to get it started
And just begin!
If you recognised any of these habits, I hoped this has helped. I’ve worked with many people over the past few years who are now thrilled to be reformed perfectionists. They’ve followed my ‘5 Steps to Freedom’ approach and kicked their perfectionism in to the long grass. Hop over to my website if you think coaching may help you and would like to know more.