Let's turn 'good' into 'flipping amazing'

Why do our systems focus on weaknesses?

There are areas in our lives where continuous improvement matters - we want to be kind, reliable, and self-aware. Being on time and listening properly are good things to work on. But I’ve been thinking a lot about our tendency to spend most of our time trying to fix what’s wrong, rather than building on what’s already pretty good. This is really apparent in the coaching space and coaches can be seen as the ‘fixers’.

One of the patterns I see is people only focusing on what they think they should be better at.

They’re exhausted from trying to improve in areas that drain them, instead of building on what gives them energy.

It’s not their fault, we operate in systems that teach us to fix our flaws, not build on our strengths.

At school, every child is expected to be reasonably competent in every subject. You might have a natural gift for art or languages, but that’s not enough, you’re told to work harder at the things you struggle with. If a child fails their maths or English GCSE, they must keep re-sitting until they scrape a pass. It’s truly painful for many children. The focus is on what’s lacking, not what’s shining, and it doesn’t stop there…

In the workplace, the performance appraisal process kicks in, and even the most capable employee is asked to find an area for development! I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s motivated by trying to improve something they don’t enjoy or will never be great at. It’s demoralising and, for many, it can rekindle early memories of ‘not being good enough’.

This mindset creeps into our personal lives too. We judge ourselves for not being tidy enough, healthy enough, fit enough, organised enough, thin enough or even young enough! Constantly apologising for simply existing.

Parents worry about not doing enough, feel guilty for working, or feel ‘less than’ for not working. We’re constantly measuring ourselves against the bits we think are missing, rather than the many things we already do well.

But what if we stopped, and decided to celebrate what’s already working? To notice what energises us, what feels natural, and what makes us light up, and then chose to do even more of that?

Imagine if schools encouraged kids to go all-in on their natural talents… Good at art? do even more art and design. Love maths? do even more maths or physics.

Imagine if workplaces built teams around what people do really well, not develop mediocre homogeneous functions.

Imagine if families and friendships celebrated individuality, instead of comparing and expecting.

Imagine if we celebrated our age. I see people using ‘level’ instead of age - it recognises how far we have come and we can own it. I’m soon to reach Level 59 - bring it on!

Think of a sports team - you wouldn’t expect every player to be simply ‘OK’ in every position would you?! You’d coach them to hone what they’re already good at so they can be truly brilliant. That’s how teams win.

It’s the same with life - once we stop obsessing about what we lack, we create space to be great at what we’re good at. Once you’ve made this switch, you’ll find your confidence growing, and a new found energy.

Life’s too short to be ‘OK’ at everything, you deserve to be great at being you.

This week’s short challenge:

1. Write down 5 things about yourself that you’re currently trying to fix - List 1

2. Write down 5 things about yourself that you know you’re good at and you enjoy - List 2

3. Now consider the time, headspace and energy you give to each list

4. Then, choose some items from List 2 that you’d like to spend more time on before removing some items from List 1.

This topic supports the values work I do - confidence and fulfilment comes from being true to yourself. Live by your values, and do what you love doing, and you’ll be in a pretty good place.

I’m covering values in my Coaching Day Retreats in the Spring. Join the no-obligation waitlist for more details and be first to hear when booking opens.

As always, if you’re interested in working with a coach, you can check out my website to understand what I do and if it’s what you’re looking for.